Beauty Does Not Equal Happiness.

My neighbors are generous souls.  They are just plain good folks. Their home is always filled with friends and on occasion someone who needs a home.

One of their latest borders is a young man named David, twenty-two, uneducated and trying to put his life together.  He also has a crush on me.  A bad one. A really bad one despite every word that I have uttered to him.  Every word about not being available.

Luke the Puppy Dog
Petting = Love

Luke likes him, but I feel he is bias. Then again, Luke has a problem listening to me as well.

Still, there is no hope for this young man.  I am not interested and won’t be interested even if I was single, which I am not.

He did say something that turned my head.  He said I was too beautiful to be alone, too beautiful to be ignored, too beautiful to be unhappy. (paraphrasing here – this young man is not that eloquent)

Really??

I have always hated when amid heartache I am told that whomever has broken my heart is a fool because I am so beautiful.  Being fair of face does not equal happiness or less heartache.  It does not mean that I can have any man I want whenever I want.

Being beautiful isn’t a magic pill.  My life isn’t easy because I am pretty.

Marilyn Monroe
Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe was gorgeous, but her life was only complicated by her beauty. No one wanted Norma Jean, yet that is who they woke up next to after taking her to bed. Her true self. There are times when I have felt that was true of some of my past lovers.  They saw the shell and imagined what I was like, when they woke up with Lu, instead of the intriguing Lucinda, they were disappointed.

My body maybe curvy and delightful, but it isn’t ambrosia.  Men do walk away from my bed and my heart.  And I can’t get them back just because you find my outer shell beautiful.  Our society places so much on emphasis what on the outside that we forget that attraction and relationships need more than a pretty face.

The heart and soul need so much more than that to find happiness in a partner.

Lu, just Lu
Lu, just Lu
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Adventure Update

I have been in my new home a little over a month.  The storage unit that has haunted me isn’t half-way empty as I had planned. I wanted to have the unit cleared out and most if not all of the stuff stashed away in the spare bedroom.

Plans, I  have reminded myself are meant to be amended. The current one is to clean out the old unit and move to a smaller less expensive one. The opportunity to save money each month is awesome, plus it means finding more and more of my treasures like the first chapter of a friends novel – given to me prior to it’s release, fragments of poems long forgotten and pictures of my first Florida friends.

It will be twelve years ago this May 13th that I moved to Florida.  It is hard to think that much time as past, but something things haven’t changed.  I still have things to let go of; things I am not sure, I am ready to let go, but haven’t used or displayed in years. Chalk it up to the fear of losing one more thing after a life time of loss. Then realizing that what I have gained over the years is so much greater.

Sometimes looking around this new home, I am reminded of how much of the past I have carried with me.  Memories held by objects of where my family has come from and where they hoped to go.  Memories of old lovers and all the promises whispered in passion.  There are new memories waiting to be created as well.  Little by little my life is stitching itself together, once again.

Monday night, I cooked dinner for myself for the week.  Chicken with pesto, zucchini and mushrooms… A yummy way to work on my financial goals.

My other goals are in various states of progress.

I have been walking twice a week and doing all the exercises that my physical therapist recommended. I feel better which was the motivation for restarting this goal.  There is no magic number or dress size that is going to stop this from being a live long habit. When I do slack up, I end up hurting again. The choice makes itself clear.  Pain bad – Exercise good.

Honest… It is amazing how just adding a few things to my routine has helped. Key so far to my success has been no punishing myself for not doing what I want or need to do.  Just enjoying & rewarding myself for doing what I have done.  Not by having cake or sweets, just a good old fashion pat on the back. (Ok and it doesn’t hurt that my jeans are comfy as well as sexy once again.)

It isn’t easy and I am sure that there are going to be days ahead where I fall on my face  big time. Still, my heart remains optimistic    and really does believe  that as long as I don’t stop working towards the future then I haven’t failed.