Can I ? Is it ok to have a FML moment and not be told to suck it up.
Cause I am really sick of sucking it up and I want to have a pity party. Not a big one, just a little one for me, myself and I.
And when I am done, then I will put on my big girl panties and go back to work.
But, I am going back with a plan.
And a new agenda. Working like I have isn’t the way to accomplish my goals or live my dreams. It is a way to live a life I hate. My life isn’t bad. It isn’t even kind of bad. It is the life I have built and although it is time for some home improvements it still isn’t bad.
Some days it seems like it. Some days it really feels like it. And I want to say FML and give up.
And that’s the problem with the FML philosophy. There is no second part. No release and then regrouping.
No plan B, C or XYZ.
Just F-it and throw a pity party for you and all of your social media friends.
And while you are at it forget that you are responsible for you life and making it better.
It is the toughest thing in the world to do.
Along with doing the right thing. Because there are no rewards and the storybooks lied when they said there would be a happy ending.
There isn’t one.
There is just life, one day after the next.
Each day is a chance to do it better. It really and truly is.
I have had a ton of FML moments this past year, especially in the last three months. Things are going, but I am not always sure where they are going. And as hard as I try I haven’t been able to work enough to catch up on bills enough to go back to school or make my blog pay for itself and a trip to Europe. Ok, that last one is a little far fetched. Little victories are all I have some days.
I get tired of trying to face the world with a face full of sunshine when my head and heart are still pounding from the thunder. I get tired of playing by rules that others break and succeed. Tired, tired to my bones. I get tired of being an adult, just say f-it and walk away. I get tired of the odds never being in my favor.
Or so it seems.
My perception is my reality and when I make FML my perception then things really do being to suck. I may live with depression, but I am not crazy.
Least not, yet.