When I asked for a blog topic, this isn’t the one I was thinking of, but the one I was thinking was leading me down a self-indulgence path.   Something I don’t need.

So here goes.

How I haven’t given up? Or How not to give up when the Universe keeps smacking you in the face.

This may not be the best advice, but it is what I got.

Are you really giving up, taking a break or walking away? 

You need to define this. What does it mean to you?  If giving up means ending your life then my friend, stop what you are doing and call 1-800-273-8255. Do it now. If you click on the link, there is even an on-line chat if making a phone call is too much. 

Because you are precious to someone. Hell, you are precious to me.  

Your life affects other lives.  The Universe might not care, but you may be the universe to someone else.  

Giving up on toxic and unhealthy relationship is healthy even if it is with family.   Giving up on trying to please everyone is healthy.  

What you may define as giving up may be resting for a day or a couple of days.  

It may be approaching the problem from a different angle. Take a break from the weight of thoughts and come back at it with a fresh mind. 

 Or it may be deciding that what other people define as a problem isn’t one for you. 

Sometimes, you can only do a little at a time.  You may move more slowly than others.  Sometimes, it isn’t your problem to begin with.

Feelings You Got Them

The statue in this photo is bowed down in grief.  She is giving into her grief.  Sometimes, I let myself do the same thing.  Sometimes, I do give up, but not forever.

I let myself feel the things going through my mind.  I let them run their course and then I look at what I can do next.  If there is anything for me to do.

Today, I spent most of the day in between self-pity, a glass of wine and a severe lack of motivation. I weakly tried to get myself to do things by creating a list, secretly knowing even as my brain was telling to do that I won’t complete the list.  And it isn’t done.

I did feel bad about it and then I thought about the weekend and where my thoughts have been for the last two days.

Friday, I found out that the arthritis in my knee is more severe than previously thought.  All I can do is manage the pain and work to maintain movement until such time as it can be replaced.  I’m forty-two.  Replacement isn’t even an option for a decade or more.  I felt like the universe was saying there was an answer to my problem, while at the same time denying me access to it.

I tried not to cry, but I eventually did.  Several times. I talked it with my boyfriend, my family and friends and once I got the truth out of my tangled web of emotions I felt better.  The truth that the real reason for the flood of emotions was that three weeks I had hope that the sudden increase in knee pain would be fixable.  My doctor was hoping it would be as well.  And it isn’t.   I had to give up on the idea that there was a fix to this problem.  Sometimes, you aren’t giving up by accepting there isn’t something to be fixed.  It can take some time to do that.

Sometimes, you need to walk away.

Sometimes, you decided something isn’t for you.

Sometimes, you need to let yourself grieve for the idea of what could have been.

Sometimes, you just need to take a break.

And sometimes, you need to cry.

I hope this helps.

Love,

Lu