I can't undo the unintentional damage I caused and that bothers me. There is a part of me that just wants to find the perfect words to make it all better to explain myself and rebuild that bridge. And that is the part that has been waking me up in the middle of the night and draining my wine supply. It is also responsible for me putting a pen in the sink to be washed.
Life & other interesting questions
What to Expect When Grieving
Expect that you won't know what to do from one moment to the next. Expect that people are going to say stupid things like comparing losing your father to join a club. Expect that you won't be able to sleep or you will over sleep. Expect people to treat you different. Or like nothing at … Continue reading What to Expect When Grieving
Living with Grief
When did you first meet grief? Were you a child or adult? Or somewhere in between? My family introduce me to grief in dull funeral home in Ohio, somewhere near Columbus. It didn't touch me. There was no way for it through the stoic ritual containing it. Everyone was appropriately sad but not too sad. No room for a wondering mind to question because there was no one talking about it. We went to the wake, then the funeral and finally a family reunion. So in a matter of 24 hours, I was introduced to grief and then pushed outside to play with distance cousins.
Vague Death Post
What do you do when the person you've been in a toxic relationship for 16 years dies and you find out a day later? What do you do when for the last ten years that person has kept you as a secret? You cry. The tears seeping out rather than pouring. You tell yourself to … Continue reading Vague Death Post
The State of Things April
Oh goodness, where am I now? Physically, I am sitting on a broken chair at my writing desk. My knees aren't aching, but my hip hurts. Don't know why, but it is. Getting older when you have lived an interesting life isn't easy. It is hard to get old. It is hard to deal with … Continue reading The State of Things April
I am only human, although I have gone by nickname of Dragon for years. My flesh is mortal and although I have dry skin, no scales adorn my body. COVID-19 took me out for 3 weeks. In the midst of these unpresideneted (only unpresidenet because we don't really study history) times, I have faltered from … Continue reading Only Human
I’m Not Positive, I Am Trying to be Pragmatic
I am not positive, I am pragmatic. Or at least that is what I strive to be much of the time. It may seem like my attitude toward problem solving is positive, but the reality is that it is rooted in pragmatism. Pragmatism is more concerned with matters of fact than of what could or should be.
Why We Hate Math
Photo by ThisIsEngineering on Pexels.com Math is logical and our brains are not. Our brains make leaps while math takes a steady and careful path to its destination. It follows rules and its paths are well chartered. Our minds not so much. For the record, I don't hate math. I love it. I became a … Continue reading Why We Hate Math
Night Stalker Too Graphic?
The Netflix docuseries "Night Stalker" has been criticized as being too much for viewers. If it is then we have sanitized the real horror of Richard Ramirez's crimes to the point that we expect no longer to be uncomfortable when dealing them. Richard Ramirez was a monster. He was rapist, a child molester and a … Continue reading Night Stalker Too Graphic?
Meds are not a Failure
Photo by Markus Spiske temporausch.com on Pexels.com A little over year ago, I went back on medication for anxiety and depression. It wasn't a hard decision. I was crying in my office, seeing a therapist and trying not to break down pretty much daily. There was a lie I had committed myself to that I … Continue reading Meds are not a Failure