Sleepy Day, Birthday Day.

Birthday Day Me
Birthday Me

Sleepy day. Birthday day. Great lunch with friends and then a trip to the new Burlington Coat Factory and group costumes for all the teachers at my school. Hint it involves eight teachers in plaid cowboy shirts   Before we were back at school, I regretted the ice cream I had for lunch. It was delicious at the time, but I don’t usually eat sweets so the sugar made me instantly sleepy.

But a sweet treat on my birthday could not be passed up.

The day demanded that I push through my sugar crash and move forward.  I picked a friend up for his interview at a local gaming store and was there to hear the happy news that he got a job that is perfect for him. Honestly, that was one of the best presents. I saw my friend come alive with confidence.  This is something that he has been working up to for nearly two years.   He didn’t know that he was working to this point, but that’s the way life is at times. It sets up trials for us and prepares us events and tasks that we didn’t even know were out there for us.

My friend, my dear, dorkatastic friend, came to life today.

And that was fantastic.

Then I took a birthday nap, which was awesome.

 

Another Year and Another Birthday!!

The Gluten Free Birthday Cake My Momma Made.
The Gluten Free Birthday Cake My Momma Made.

Last Wednesday, I turned thirty-seven.  Birthdays are always full of mixed blessings.  This year the scale tipped in my favor and there more happy moments than sad ones.

Marking birthdays is always a dicey game. What have I accomplished in the last year?

  • Finished my first book, Blood Child.
  • Wrote at least three new short stories and a half a dozen poems.
  • Read my poetry at an open mike night.
  • Ran a successful Kickstarter campaign
  • Escaped the gravitational pull of Florida twice and hugged my best friend since middle school.
  • Discovered two new friends, one of whom I share an ex-boyfriend with.
  • Found a really awesome second job for the school year, teaching ESOL at night.
  • Quit a job for my health.
  • Ignored the urge to kill my students and administrators (I think I should get double points for that one)
  • Found two roommates who weren’t crazy
  • Brought a convertible
  • Made an awesome new friend who has become one of my best friends.
  • Went out for drinks on my birthday with friends
  • Delivered a stuff giraffe to my friend that was nearly as big as she was
  • Rescued some kittens and found them good homes.

    Ovid the Orphaned Giraffe  on his way to his new home,
    Ovid the Orphaned Giraffe on his way to his new home,

This year or the last couple of months has helped me to rethink the working my way out of debt by working myself into an early grave.  I wanted to go back to school both to help my finances and my career, but with the changes going on at my school and the county that is no longer as appealing. Still, I am happy.

And working on becoming happier and healthier.

My life isn’t where I wanted it to be at this point. Honestly, I thought there would be kids and a husband at this point. And I am not cool enough to say that I am ok with everything being the way that it is and that I won’t change everything for the world.  There are some things I want to change and need to change to stay on the happy train.  There are times when my depression gets so bad that I regret doing things that I know in the long run have more me happier because the short term kind of sucks.

I need to be the change I want to see in my life.

Out of the Frying Pan and into the Lion's Mouth.. wait a second???
Out of the Frying Pan and into the Lion’s Mouth.. wait a second???

It is going to mean work and there are parts of me that don’t want to work anymore, but stopping just isn’t in my vocabulary.  Today instead of  going to a Halloween party I will be home waiting for a friend to come by and pick up a piece of furniture.  Now in all fairness, I decided that I wasn’t up to going out tonight and dealing with the anxiety of potential seeing an ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. (Yes, I am bothered by seeing my ex with someone new especially when my love life is in limbo. Petty maybe, but at least I am honest.) And moving more furniture out of my house frees my mind up just a little bit more.  Less clutter and less baggage.

I think that’s what I want for my next birthday.  Less of the bad stuff and more of the good stuff just like this year.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow would have been my grandmother’s birthday. I am not sure how old she would have been ; you never asked Lucille Rose how old she was. She was a beautiful, stubborn woman who stressed the importance of manners and always saying thank you. It is also one of my nephew’s birthdays, but their day of joy will forever be overshadowed by the events of September 11, 2001.

It is hard to imagine the world before the towers fell.  Hard to describe just how the air felt that way when all the planes were grounded. How people in downtown Orlando walked around like zombies when their offices released them unsure of where to go.

The children that I teacher don’t remember that day for the most part; it is day they know is important, but the fear of that day is lost on them. The fear it created lives on; which is why tomorrow I will say a pray of thanks for all the days my Grandmother had, another for my nephew and yet another that we all might remember that living in fear is not living.

And the best way to remember those that lose their lives that day is to remember not how they died, but to live and live the best way they can.  One day at a time…