Lonely Girl by Tryana Wilson

She’s a cute little thing

fascinated by the world

with a loving, mind, body and soul

anyone who sees her know that she has goals

but still, no one really knows

She dreams of love and magic

faeries and their dust

she wishes for the romance

to give her that big rush

because when shes alone at night

she wants someone to hold her tight

poor and lonely girl

She wakes up in the morning

ready for the day

She regrets that there’s no one to say

good morning sunshine

how are you today

She dreams of love and magic

faries and their dust

she wishes for romance

to give her that big rush

because when shes a lone at night

shw wants someone to hold her tight

If only they really knew

If only dreams came true

if only, if only

if only dandilions blew too

She dreams of love and magic

faries and their dust

she wishes for the romance

to give her that big rush

because when shes a lone at night

she wants someone to hold her tight

cause when shes  a lone at night

she wants someone to hold her tight

when shes a lone at night

she wants someone to be by her side

poor and lonely girl

oh, poor and lonely girl

Tree Wilson

Poet, songwriter and friend, Tree Wilson

Beauty Does Not Equal Happiness.

My neighbors are generous souls.  They are just plain good folks. Their home is always filled with friends and on occasion someone who needs a home.

One of their latest borders is a young man named David, twenty-two, uneducated and trying to put his life together.  He also has a crush on me.  A bad one. A really bad one despite every word that I have uttered to him.  Every word about not being available.

Luke the Puppy Dog

Petting = Love

Luke likes him, but I feel he is bias. Then again, Luke has a problem listening to me as well.

Still, there is no hope for this young man.  I am not interested and won’t be interested even if I was single, which I am not.

He did say something that turned my head.  He said I was too beautiful to be alone, too beautiful to be ignored, too beautiful to be unhappy. (paraphrasing here – this young man is not that eloquent)


I have always hated when amid heartache I am told that whomever has broken my heart is a fool because I am so beautiful.  Being fair of face does not equal happiness or less heartache.  It does not mean that I can have any man I want whenever I want.

Being beautiful isn’t a magic pill.  My life isn’t easy because I am pretty.

Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe was gorgeous, but her life was only complicated by her beauty. No one wanted Norma Jean, yet that is who they woke up next to after taking her to bed. Her true self. There are times when I have felt that was true of some of my past lovers.  They saw the shell and imagined what I was like, when they woke up with Lu, instead of the intriguing Lucinda, they were disappointed.

My body maybe curvy and delightful, but it isn’t ambrosia.  Men do walk away from my bed and my heart.  And I can’t get them back just because you find my outer shell beautiful.  Our society places so much on emphasis what on the outside that we forget that attraction and relationships need more than a pretty face.

The heart and soul need so much more than that to find happiness in a partner.

Lu, just Lu

Lu, just Lu

My New Hobby – Exhaustion

Last Thursday night, I fell asleep at 7:30 and woke up in time to go to work the next morning.  I did it again last night.

This evening, I feel asleep once again around seven and  woke up three hours ago. My kitty boys gently reminded me that I had other things to do beyond sleeping.

Jack and Nu Mu

My house is a bit cleaner now, litter box and turtle tank included.  The boys are happy, well except for the kitty who is confined to the potty room but that is another story.  There is more work to be done, but then again there is always more work.

Deciding to clean my house wasn’t an attempt at perfection, far from it. It was an attempt to breathe.

Exhaustion is something that with my work current schedule, I can’t avoid.  Between job no. 1 teaching and job no.2 answering phones for a local theme park, I have worked the last eight days straight. I still have five more days before I have a day off. On top of all of this, I agreed several months ago to chaperone the senior trip to Universal’s Grad Night.  It was a blast and I was happy to do it.

I have also written more than five thousand works on my latest project, read about twenty student research papers and designed lessons for four different classes.

Cleaning the house tonight will allow me just a bit more relaxation time this week and provides me with a little more mental clarity. A clean house may not actually be next to godliness, but it is next to sanity.

It was my choice to clean tonight; no one forced or pressured me.

It is a choice that I am proud of; along with my choice to be positive and happy.  Sometimes we forget that those are choices. We wait for the perfect time to do this or that and never let ourselves breathe. Never let ourselves see the man on the street doing the robot dance as he waits for a safe time to cross the street or let out a laugh because we remember doing that in the fourth grade. We are too focused on getting to the store and using our coupons to save another fifty cents. We will drive an extra ten miles do so; never taking into account the gas we are using or the time.

My time is precious.   It is as valuable as my happiness.

Tomorrow afternoon when I walk in the front door my floors will be clean, the living and dining rooms will be free of clutter and the bedroom won’t contain a basket of clothes waiting for my attention. Then I will be able to take part in my latest hobby-exhaustion napping.  If I wake up before the morning alarm goes off, sweet. Otherwise, I will just let my body exercise its own choice to be happy and sleep.

Ready…set … wait…

For the last week or so, my fellow teaching diva, Lisa, as been bugging me to go out with a friend of her’s; a nice young man just looking to go out and have some fun.  On the surface, it is what I am looking for, but I am not ready.. not ready to open my world up again. It is one of the reasons that I haven’t taken advantage of other offers as kind as they were.

On the surface, it would be just for fun, but… well there it is again, once the “but” pops up things get messy.  There is a big part of me that isn’t ready to “move on”. What I want … well that is the question, isn’t it.

Mysterious Me

In Theory, a place I don’t actually live, I want to fix up my new place, get ahead of my bills and continue writing. Not actually living in the land of Theory, things are far more complex. I do desire companionship, love and more.

Choosing to be single doesn’t mean that I have given up or am waving the white flag. It does mean, for me, at least that I am choosing to spend time working on Lu; choosing to figure out somethings that been calling my heart, mind and soul for a while.

Sounds mysterious, well, that’s the best I can do for the moment on explaining where I am in life.  As much a I want things to be simple, they won’t be as long as the dreaded “but” is still present in my life.  I know, Lisa, and my other friends, want me to be happy and for that I love them more than words can say, but for now I am content to live this life of mine; listening to the laughter of friends, sharing the confusion with my students and just being imperfect me…

The Blank Brain…..

After an afternoon of shopping with Momma, I sat down to finish the post I started on and there was no love in it. So here I am with a blank brain.

Well, not completely, it is thinking about the gigantic mess in my spare room.  It is too horrific for me to post a picture of it. Also, I think I may have lost a kitty in there; .then it drifts over towards the kitchen.  The dishwasher is swishing and swooshing water about.  Then it flashes forward to having to unload everything

Yes, this is the glamorous life of a single working woman.

It is a good life, just not as fancy free as some might imagine it to be.  The most important thing is that I am happy. Not jump over the moon happy, but a good almost settled kind of happy.  Real life isn’t glamorous.  It is lists of chores, sticking to a budget and window shopping on a winter afternoon. All and all, pretty close to perfect.

Where do we go from here?

So I took the plunge and started my life over again. Now what? What is it that I am trying to do that I couldn’t do before and with a partner?

My new house is coming together. There are curtains hanging in the bedroom and dinning room.  I even have a table cloth and place mats.  There is even money left in the bank prior to payday.

Yet, my happy ending isn’t here yet. The mailman must be confused, because surely, I deserve on after everything that I have gone through.   I did the right thing, isn’t time for life just to settle into place and be perfect from now on.

Life doesn’t work that way and once you clear the hurtle before you there is another one and another one, until you die.  You can take life as it comes and deal with or you can be miserable waiting for happily ever after.  There is no prince to rescue me. I need to do that myself.

So where do I go from here? Where do we go? We go into the future. We move forward together. Day by day and step by step.  I will continue to write, sharing my thoughts and poetry and you will continue to read and encourage.  Don’t be bashful.. tell me what you think… even if it is something that I might not want to hear.