It’s nearly noon and looking at my pedometer, I am more than 8,000 steps away from that goal. The first day with it, I didn’t do very well; only 1,700 steps recorded. Of course, I left the darn thing at home while I ran errands. Today, I put it on right after my second cup of tea.

According to the formula on the website, I need to walk 14,000 steps a day to lose weight.  It makes me wonder how many steps to happiness or a good hair day.  It makes everything seem so simple, my internal cynic can’t help herself, she knows it won’t be easy. The site means to be helpful with graphs and the like.  So far my chart is flat lining which is a little depressing.  Maybe after a week of recording my steps, it will start to pick up.

In the last couple of weeks, I have lost three pounds and a couple of inches.  Some things are fitting better, but weight loss isn’t my main goal. I want to be healthier, a little freer from pain. My knees ache from an accident I had as a child.  My neck and shoulders from an auto accident.  Oh and then there is the old ticker, it likes to skip a beat now and again.

Before you go feeling all sorry for me, please know that I don’t feel sorry for myself and really hate when people tell me they wish I didn’t have to deal with this or that. It is really nice and I understand that you want me to have less to deal with, but these are the cards that my choices and life have dealt me.

Yes, I want to be healthier and it would be really nice to fit into some cute new clothes.  The changes that I want to make in my life aren’t going to be completed  overnight; a healthier me means undoing some of the habits that I have cultivated over the years.  Patterns of thoughts that have lead me deeper into depression and with that weight gain and a shaky self-esteem.

Right now, I am at 1,930 steps for the day. In another twenty-minutes, the laundry will be half way done and it will be time for a nap.  When I get up, there is a puppy to walk and more reflecting to be done.