Yesterday, I made a mistake that could have gotten me fired today. I knew it within a few minutes of getting in. Check and verified that I was suppose work yesterday and didn’t show up. In the end it was my fault and once I realized what happen, I felt terrible.
I sat there, wondering for a moment, if I should say anything. Then how I should say it. Fear and anxiety making me twist myself into knots. I knew it wasn’t really a choice. It was the right thing to do and I would hate a piece of myself if I didn’t come forward.
Finally I got to my boss’s desk right when someone was coming up to let her know that no one covered the phones. Not a good thing for the water park or my future employment. Owning up for your actions is one of the lessons every child is suppose to learn. I think back to my own childhood and things generally did go better for me if I fessed up. The reaction and/or punishment was dependent on which parent or grandparent received the news.
My birth father was a strict and incredibly adept at layering guilt. He learned from his mother. It didn’t matter if when I realized my mistake, I confessed. All crimes were treated with an equally with an unfair punishment. I am still not sure what I did to warn building a deck, but I do remember the time that my brother had to shovel all the driveways in the neighborhood for driving our stepmother’s car in a blizzard. Disappointment at virtually everything I did oozed over every action through my teenage years and the fear of punishment, no matter what the consequences walks with me.
It sat with me this morning and screamed at me as made my way to my bosses desk.
And then it sheepishly hid its face in the corner when my bosses handled the news and accepted my apology. It helps that in the four summers, I have worked her I have always communicated with her my supervisor. This summer, I am their go to person for back-up. All of these and my willingness to own my actions helped.
I firmly believe that as an adult, we have to own our actions. We can’t blame our parents or others for the things we do; even if they influence us or misinform us.
Owning up or as one of my co-worker’s says “Putting on your big girl drawers and get to it.”