I am a coward. It is clear and there is no way to escape it. I am a coward and the people I love ignore it. No wants to admit that their relative has the spine of a jellyfish. The coward you know, the coward who does make any waves and lives the life you expect.
Of course, they encourage my cowardliness. You need to be careful. You shouldn’t take that risk. Or that one. Always have a back up plan. Are you sure about that? Well, have you thought about this or that? Do you really need to do that ? Wear that ? Or be so bold ? bossy? pushy? Overbearing?
Day after day, I wake up and get dressed in my cowardly apparel. Dress pants, a tasteful shirt, heels not too high or too short and jewelry adding just a hint of personality. Get along and move along. Just be yourself, but not too much yourself. Break the mold, just …
Just it is too much to be this way and too much to let go and walk away. It is all too much.
I break and then I tape myself back together again.
Day in and day out, I do it over and over again, living this prescribed life, searching for the meme that is going to set me free.