I do not have to cling to innocence

it is so deeply rooted in my soul

that a backhoe and a team of mules

could not dredged it from my heart.

I have been beaten, raped and betrayed

by lovers and friends, and people in between

so many …

many times that you think all the sin

inflicted by others would have washed it away

like a California mud slide, but

no earthquake, hurricane or tornado

can rip from me

What god really gave me

My innocence

Not my virginity taken by date rape

He didn’t love me never claimed that

that he did. Just knew he could take it

and did.

There was ring around the moon that night

so big and beautiful that it pulled me back

just in time to see a spider

a spider the size of my fist

crossing my path that night.

A warning an omen to remember the danger

that trauma had stolen from my memory.

No that Big Divine Momma gave me

My innocence

with roots going deep into my soul

like the rivers that have flowed true since man first walked the earth

Innocence is my gift, not trust or blind loyalty

taken by a father

whose only task before he walked out the door

was telling his six year old daughter why

whose only task before he walked out

the door was telling six year old me why

no trust left with Daddy and I blamed myself

for thirty years. I blamed myself.

Cursed myself for my birth

For being the infant that broke a good man’s will.

So many things have left me.

But my innocence, it remained.

My gift to always have the eyes of child

when the world is washed in blood

and hate rains from the sky

My innocence remains

I still take my shoes off to run barefoot

through puddles and laugh so hard that

milk comes out my nose.

And I still believe in fairy tales

And places where love really does win.

Because in my heart, innocence has a child

named Hope.