I do not have to cling to innocence
it is so deeply rooted in my soul
that a backhoe and a team of mules
could not dredged it from my heart.
I have been beaten, raped and betrayed
by lovers and friends, and people in between
so many …
many times that you think all the sin
inflicted by others would have washed it away
like a California mud slide, but
no earthquake, hurricane or tornado
can rip from me
What god really gave me
Not my virginity taken by date rape
He didn’t love me never claimed that
that he did. Just knew he could take it
There was ring around the moon that night
so big and beautiful that it pulled me back
just in time to see a spider
a spider the size of my fist
crossing my path that night.
A warning an omen to remember the danger
that trauma had stolen from my memory.
No that Big Divine Momma gave me
with roots going deep into my soul
like the rivers that have flowed true since man first walked the earth
Innocence is my gift, not trust or blind loyalty
taken by a father
whose only task before he walked out the door
was telling his six year old daughter why
whose only task before he walked out
the door was telling six year old me why
no trust left with Daddy and I blamed myself
for thirty years. I blamed myself.
Cursed myself for my birth
For being the infant that broke a good man’s will.
So many things have left me.
But my innocence, it remained.
My gift to always have the eyes of child
when the world is washed in blood
and hate rains from the sky
My innocence remains
I still take my shoes off to run barefoot
through puddles and laugh so hard that
milk comes out my nose.
And I still believe in fairy tales
And places where love really does win.
Because in my heart, innocence has a child