Life has a way of complicating and un-winding itself all at once, which way it goes is up to the user. Sometimes a day goes both ways at once.
This summer, I have been struggling to finish my first book, make enough money to pay my bills, complete multiple on-line classes and work on other writing projects. I had this idea that I could finish a second book before August. I haven’t been doing very well or at least I don’t think so. What I was doing was moving slowly but surely forward.
Then the bottom fell out of my emotional world last Thursday. Everything seemed hopeless and I slid back into the depression that I have been fighting most of my adult life slammed into me. I struggled for most the day to get myself together.
My roommate’s husband tip-toed around me as the tears just poured out. I called the colleague who I am collaborating with on a unit plan and told her that I was sending her what I had and won’t be up to working on it anymore that day. It was hard, but I just couldn’t text what I needed to say. I donned thick sun-glasses and when out to run some errands including laundry which really couldn’t wait.
And that is when the narrative changed. My support system kicked in and even though I am still struggling to figure things out, I feel better equipped now to hand things then I did the last time I was spirit slammed by depression. And I am writing.
I am writing and I finished a chapter on a project entitled Eden, last night. It feels good.
My heart still aches and I know that depression is lurking ready to pounce, still, there is something to be said for throwing yourself into work at times like theses and trusting that some how everything will work out.