Blank Page

The page went blank a couple of moments ago; all my precious thoughts disappeared.  The words that I was trying to craft were lost. They could have been retrieved.  When they blinked out of existence I could have clicked undo and restored them.

I didn’t. I stopped myself.  I just stared into the blankness and realized that I didn’t want them back. I wanted to start anew.

Each morning when your eyes blink open, there is an opportunity to start fresh.  It goes by so fast that we often don’t even realize that a door has been opened.  It is normally shut by the rush of daily thoughts or the desperate need for coffee.

A good, no a great, friend of mine was hurt by something I wrote.  It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t my intention, the damage was still done.  He went through hell a couple of years back and has clawed his way back from Hades. He has the scars to prove it.

What I wrote made him feel like I didn’t believe that he had changed. Like I didn’t believe in him.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.

If I hadn’t believed in him, then I won’t have opened the door to him to come back into my life.  Actually, I opened it and asked him to step through it.

Then I walked into my own version of Hades.  This blog and my friend’s advice and steadfast presence have helped me see the light.  I still have to do my own crawling.  Knowing that I hurt him even inadvertently crushed a part of my heart.

Tomorrow morning when I wake up there is going to be a note on my alarm, a message to myself to take the opportunity to start my life anew. To be more aware of what I say and do.  To try and avoid hurting someone I love and who means the world to me. To be a better me.


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