That is the question; at least when it comes to weight loss. Do you weight or measure yourself? Or both?

I like the first option and have been doing so nearly every week for the past two years.  This past week, I hit the scale and discovered that I have lost a total of thirty pounds. There is a chart recording the journey on my frig.

Thirty pounds and only one dress size.

I have told myself again and again that what the scale says doesn’t matter.  But, when it goes down I am ecstatic.  Still there are days when the mirror returns an image I would rather not see or the numbers go up instead of down.  One that I despite the kind things come from friends and family.  Is it society or years of negative self talk?

Or maybe it is being told that people have a problem with my body or that they should have a problem with it. I know that is weird, but dating sites include turn offs like excessively heavy.  Exactly what does that mean. At nearly 5’10”, most folks never realize that I am overweight. They see I am not skinny, but wouldn’t say that I am overweight well at least not to my face.So am I excessively heavy being overweight? I have also been told that my cleavage is disgusting and that I should be ashamed of myself for exposing it.

I am not a size eight, I am an eighteen, yet when I go into shops catering to curvy gals I often find tents on hangers instead of clothes or people looking down on me for not being big enough.  I am serious on the last one.  On more than one occasion, I have gotten looks that I give to skinny folks when they talk about being fat when I have talked to others about my weight concerns. Since that day I have been more cognizant of the looks which I give to others. Size discrimination goes both ways.

It isn’t the size that I am working on shrinking. I am not really trying to shrink anything. The main goal of walking twice daily and watching what I eat is to be healthier.  When I was twelve years old I was injured in an ATV accident. Both my knees suffered hairline fractures.  As puberty progressed other things developed and jogging was not an option for me.  It hurt both my legs and my chest from physical activity.  (Sports bras are your friends, ladies. Always try them on.) I am also severely gluten-intolerant which means that if I encounter gluten bad things happen like my abdomen swelling to the point I couldn’t where pants. Good thing, I have great legs.

The scale is a double edged sword for those seeking to be healthier.  It can mark milestones or cause enough frustration that some people quit.  Thirty pounds seems like a lot of people tell me they can see the difference, but when you are still in your old jeans it is hard to feel accomplished. That’s when I slide into chairs in the school district’s auditorium and didn’t feel like I was in a vice grip.  Seats at the movie theater have also been easier to move in and out of.  The final test for me was when I boarded a plan yesterday and was able to sit comfortable in their seats.

You have to determine how you are going handle what the scale says and remember that it is only a number. My scale is at school and doesn’t come home with me in the summers.   I use it and my chart as a way to remind myself that I have made tangible steps towards my goal.

This summer after I get back from this most delightful break(I’m in Denver), I will be back at finding ways to incorporate healthier habits into my life. When I get home I will be ignoring my scale until the fall and just concentrating on staying on my better me track. Do I have an ideal weight in mind? No, not really, I want to be more comfortable in my own skin, run a 5k and all and all just be healthier.