I took the road

I thought I should take

The road my parents took and liked

The road of listening to the unspoken expectations of others

I took the road and missed all exits

all the signs

directing me back to myself

back to the person I was meant to be

Then saw all

lost opportunity discovered in death

the death of a phenomenal woman

the death of the phenomenal woman

the one who showed us magic

in being ourselves

Then a vow, rushed and uttered to the soft rain,

a vow to change and stop looking outside myself

outside and in the realm of expectations

the determination to be myself

and wondering why I am always on the outside

I used to think that I was wrong

that I was the one who needed to be conform

to change

that all the world was logic

and I, the illogical one,  trying to reach the land

being bashed by waves

hitting the shores of the island of Misfit toys

my home

the place where I belong

and forever attempt to escape myself

because conformation  while death

was acceptance

something I have never known

always craved.